Sound of Silence

If you have noticed I stopped blogging for a long while...


For I just came from a tragic break-up with my 5 year girlfriend, one that must not be named. 

climbing side by side Mr. Gerry Ulanday - former national climbing champion, Philippines shot taken by Leslie Regio

It was all good until she had her selfish desires overwhelmed her capacity to think rationally and morally, then finally came a day of alone time - that she lied and cheated on me. 




I never gave a reason for this to happen, it just happened, its her choice anyway. Even if we ended that way, I'm still not in a position to judge the person. I just hope and pray that despite all this, she'll be ok, and that it's worth all the tears and drama. - anyway I did not said that because I'm coming back. 




As her friend all I can do is pray for her, that she'd figure things out by herself and her creator alone. But anything more that that I cannot give to her anymore. 


For those wondering what my status is now, I am getting better day by day. I may now be a bearer of the hurt, but I also know that its only a part of me that has been damaged and I'm in a better position to heal. 

The first productive thing I did for myself was to climb outdoors with the help of Pastor Noel at Atimonan, Quezon - ironic, because my ex used to climb too but we did not get the chance to do these things while we were together - I sacrificed my time just to be with her.


Before climbing outdoors, I had a 2 month climbing drought, 3 days of non-eating - a sign of depression, and sleepless nights.  

Yema 5.8 / 5.9 by Ian Martinez

I tried 3 routes in the process - a 5.6, 5.9 and a 5.10. Even if the odds are all against me, I tried my best not to quit and finish the routes until my body fails. I sent the 5.6 and 5.9 in my first try, and almost sent the 5.10 with only 2-3 moves left at the crux area.




It was all physically tiring, but mentally uplifting. And it was all good.




What I learned from the experience and Pastor Noel was:
"no matter how hard your struggles are to keep up, no matter how many sacrifices that you have made for something, at the end of the day - we must learn the art of letting go"




On my way to healing somebody asked me if I feel incomplete. my answer was, sometimes yes but you know what my family and friends do the patching up, and for some reason I feel more than complete.


For now I raise all my worries and cares to my Creator. I will celebrate and live the life as it should be, for there are many more reasons to celebrate our beautiful life. 


I Let God and Let Go. 


PS: I am now open and perceptive. I can't wait to heal completely. I can't wait to love again genuinely. I may be too excited, but I'm not in a rush. For if I rush things I might hurt the next person I will love and that is not my thing, it will never be my thing. I'm now playing between 80-85% (i can now eat, laugh and think) recovered and I can't wait for that to reach a hundred. :)