Zombie apocalypse has been long fantasized by fanatics and believers that rules are set and made up in order to “survive”, if it happens - the great ordeal of a zombie outbreak.
But seriously there is a more pressing issue this rainy season, more horrendous, full of suspense, stinky, a hideous version to the real life… a fucking flying cockroach.
Just recently I had an incidence with this airborne creepy critters heading towards me as a point of landing, I’m helpless, hapless and speechless that time that the monster eventually gave me the facial of my life. I shook-off and shooed the cockroach with my bare hands. For a moment my heart went boom and experienced tachycardia then a sign of relief.
I thought it was all over, but then again, it strikes back a flurry of even crazier attacks…
Another came flying across the other side of the room heading towards the ceiling where I’m comfortably seated, and another surprised me from the right just before I can say What the F... then there you go another facial!
Insect pheromones are in the air and they keep on coming.
And this thing is fucking real!
So I decided to finally write about all of it. To make rules for the sole survival of mankind against this monsters from hell! Now I present to you
“5 ways to survive a Cockbie (zombie-cockroach) Apocalypse”
RULE 1: GOOD CARDIO IS A MUST, just like in the manuscript for zombies. There are lots and lots of cockroaches out there and when you get into their sights, the only thing you can do is to run because you just simply cannot hide. Tip: short but fast sprints are more effective in this situation since the enemy is more dangerous when a. flying and b. covers short distances only
RULE 2: PREPARE A NASTY, DIRTY FIGHT cockroaches are very tough and agile devils, so you must prepare your swatting, squishing and swinging skills in order to overcome this great ordeal. Tip: once you chose to fight you can a. give nasty hitters for pleasure b. gently squish so not to make the gooey stuff inside splatter everywhere.
RULE 3: NEVER TRUST A LONE COCKROACH: cockroach to man ration is definitely not 1 is to 1. Most of the time a cockroach will pull of some pheromones into their sleeves and call on a bunch of sex hungry creepy crawlies until you can already smell the stench that they bring. Tip: once you see a lone cockroach prepare to fight or flight, you can choose the option between RULE 1 or 2
RULE 4: ALWAYS BRING AN INSECTICIDE MIST AND LIGHTER: this is the best weapon one can ever have in this business. Have you ever heard of a flamethrower? Tip: Combine the two deadly weapons to make a flamethrower. Never attempt just using, only one weapon since it won’t instantly kill these demons, it will only agitate them before poisoning so there is a bigger chance for them to fly and attack since they are in rage before they die.
RULE 5: ALWAYS GO TO THE BASICS NEVER FORGET RULE 1. Definitely do not forget the number 1 rule Tip: if all else fails. Running away will make you safer for a mean time. It is always better to keep moving forward than getting caught off guard by these freaks of nature.
Share your stories, and help mankind survive this great deal of EVIL!
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